| ok so the beginning of this week pissed me off |
[11 Sep 2003|02:19am] |
the beginning of this week piseed me off cause doc put me on every song on 3rd horn I don't mind 3rd horn but I like variety. So I'm all pissed off riding home today and I realize ........I'm the only 3rd horn on In the Evening ............theres a 3rd horn solo in In the Evening....then I realized Doc has a plan....so I did a happy dance and thats it
So MY tuesdays SUCK BALLS
spanish - 8:30-9:45
english - 10:00-11:15
Lessons - 12:00- 1:00
Piano II- 2:00-2:50
Band - 3:30 - 5:20
Wind Symphony - 6:00-7:00
I went over mikes after wind symphony on tuesday and fucking died I thought it would never end ..........and it won't for the next 3 adn half months ......I'm gonna be on a resperator for christmas cuz by them I'll be smoking 4 packs a day from stress.........but i have off on fridays???
good night I think I'm going crazy
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| I had my first nightmare |
[18 Aug 2003|12:49am] |
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mood |
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 distressed |
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ok so all my dreams are retarded none of them make sence...........no ones ever died .........no one ever cried in any of my dreams that I can recall for my entire life........so last night I get home from the diner and go to bed ....I fall asleep .....and I wake up in this weird place I have no clue whats going on but somehow I make it back to wayne ........I see people I know and they walk past me like they didn't even know me so I see this person I dont remember if it wasa guy or a girl or what they even looked like........and they tell me .hey you're dead you died at Tinas house .........I was suppose to go to Mike's Aunt Vi's party and work and home and I was suppose to sleep but I couldn't do any of the things I was suppose because I was dead......so I started crying ...like hysterically because I didn't exist ...........i went to tinas house to scope out the whole thing and tina was there and she didn't see me and I find out theres memorial for me and I see this schedule thing its like a set up thing for my memorial and guess who set up the memorial..........frankyface.........why would frankyface do that I dont know .....so I start crying again and start walking around and I find Mariah and she was dead to ot at least could see me and I she brought me to this neighborhood that was very desolite ........and all I remember is sitting on the porch of this back water house holding some small animal and crying ..........hows that for a first nightmare............the only thing I can think of what it means ya know how in the 6th sence dead people walk around because they have unfinished business........maybe I do
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[06 Aug 2003|01:42pm] |
heres my side of the story
I started to feel bad about not talking to you because i just realloy needed a well deserved break and I was going to start to talk to you again....it wasn't because of mike.......I just didn't want to talk to you...........so I come to Crystals party and see Allen and some guy came up to him and told him he couldn't shake his hand because of the gross stuff he had done with his girlfriend .............so allen was pissed and started asking me questions about what has been said..........and then he asked me a question
did somehting happen to you when you were 10? .......my jaw fucking dropped the fact that YOU qould go and tell that story likes its yours to tell .........doint tell me that alot of people know maybe more people know then they should but I fucking I told them ...........not you not anyone else..............you have no fuckiing right to be going around tell people MY PAST............how I didn't give you any sympathy when ther whole chud thing happened becuase I felt older than you cuz it happened to me when I was 10 ......fuck you .....how can you give sympathy to someones whos whole life is a supposive tragedy ..........get your head out of your fucking ass ....or shove it in there far enough so I never have top hear you again.....it makes me wonder how many other people have you told about it....lindsey ..roman ....don .......mike ......who the fuck knows ..........i have never said this to anyone in my entire life.............but you HAVE to change but you never will because as I've said numerous times.....life sucks life is always going to suck .... fucking deal with it ...........but you never will and until you accept that fact I dont wnat to hear that you've said my name or tlkaewd about MY PERSONAL LIFE ...make sure I"m fucking dead to you...........cause you're dead to me...............have a nice life cause I will from now on
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| hey |
[16 Jun 2003|02:27pm] |
I have email now cuz i was dumbass and didn't have it for along time because I thought there was no emailin my life after my dad took away AOL ...so its
CleanXisXscene@yahoo.com ...................email me bitches
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| mmyeah gotta love lisa Marie |
[01 Jun 2003|03:04pm] |
Was that bridge I was crossing
Somewhere I stopped walking
I guess I fell off on my own
god ....love lisa marie
love um
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| well |
[29 May 2003|01:13pm] |
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i am at hollys and we are very busy ........so busy ..............yeah but i realized all I need is the people who are going to be honest with me ......all I need are those people who have always been there.......I will make this summer awesome as my mother said last night .........I didn't bring you up so people can put you down.........I love my mom shes great ....so glad she is healthy , her kidneys still bother her .....but shes ok and thats all I need is my mom and my friends ...thats it .....how many more times will I realize this
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| what the fuck is this ? |
[29 May 2003|12:25am] |
what the fuck is this?.................no seriously what the fuck is this ? jesus I give up.
"you're more and less than you first had believed
you've so much to give and there's so much you need
shortcuts through graveyards and a brand new way to breathe
three thousand miles just to learn."-Thrice
i've decided tonight.....I am goin to Russia ....this place gives to much bullshit.
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| god |
[15 May 2003|01:12am] |
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I will never get to say anything about how I feel ...jesus I just give up
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| oh my god |
[13 May 2003|02:22am] |
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ok I'm, drunk and thank god for dave being doubvle D YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY i am yayng ytayayayay I had 7 or 8 jack and red fusions thanjkm god I just finished ym cig good night BYE!!!!!!!!!!! I love mondaytuesday nights GOOD BYEB sleeeeeeeeeeep!
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| this is me extremely pissed |
[02 May 2003|12:53am] |
OK so seriously i am so pissed right now............soooo ok so OK I commute to school right?
and I live witha mother who can't really drive around right now right?
So what does my douch of a father do...........buy my brother a car........because I'm more independent than him ..........ok I'll start breaking shit and get kicked off campus sure why not...............that actually sounds like fun........ok i'll stop giving myself Ideas............that echo I swear to freakin god it will be the death of me
ok so those parking lots at school are like a fucking monster truck rally except everyone forgot thier monster trucks but they'll just hit shit anyway.....so everytime he sees the car he inspects it like hes in iraq looking for fucking weapons........
so anyway so yeah theres few dents in the car ......may I add none that came of me ...maybe one where I backed up in to this girl before band ...........but Iw as stoned so thats doesn't count.........so he tells me I'ma piece of shit adn leaves ..........what the hell .....if he slid the metal rod out of his ass just like an inch maybe he wouldn't be sucha bitch all the time so anyway
finals are this week .............all my music classes are good so is spanish and english I kinda said fuck math this semester............so you think they'd let you drop a class in the last week of school...........no probably not........so that sucks major balls......... so today was the music dept softball game ...it was fun....I actually played better while smoking......cigarettes I mean .....but if I ahd the chance .....I would .......we lost but whatever everyone on my team was drunk anyway......I keep coughing damn SARS or a cold or whatever it is man I am in sucha randomn mood its about time I go and take my meds and pass out good night everyone
P.S. (for T) I hate that fiddy
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| Hey I love this song ...its my new obsession |
[02 May 2003|12:44am] |
Your Own Disaster"
Just think of this and me
as just a few of many things
to lie around
to clutter up your shelves
And I wish you weren't worth the wait
because there's some thing's
I'd like to say to you...
I don't think that
you know what
you've been missing
Cuz I don't think that
you know what
you've been missing
I dare you to forget
those marks you left
across my neck
from those nights when we were both
found at our best
I could make this obvious,
and in one breath
you could shrug me off
your shoulders...
I don't think that
you know what
you've been missing
Cuz I don't think that
you know what
you've been missing
Hey, lush, have fun
It's the weekend
Hey, lush, have fun
Hey, lush, have fun
It's the weekend
Hey, lush, have fun
I don't think that
you know what
you've been missing
I don't think that
you know what
you've been missing
Just forget me
it's that simple
Just forget me
it's that simple
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| OK HI EVERYONE |
[09 Apr 2003|12:25am] |
ATTENTION EVERYONE
MY SCREENNAME JOYCLEAN4E HAS BEEN SUSPENDED FOR UNKNOWN REASONS
PLEASE IM ME ON
OpenYourEyes333
THANK YOU
THAT IS ALL
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| ah ha ...........good song |
[20 Mar 2003|12:31am] |
"Everybody's Fool"
perfect by nature
icons of self indulgence
just what we all need
more lies about a world that
never was and never will be
have you no shame don't you see me
you know you've got everybody fooled
look here she comes now
bow down and stare in wonder
oh how we love you
no flaws when you're pretending
but now i know she
never was and never will be
you don't know how you've betrayed me
and somehow you've got everybody fooled
without the mask where will you hide
can't find yourself lost in your lie
i know the truth now
i know who you are
and i don't love you anymore
it never was and never will be
you're not real and you can't save me
somehow now you're everybody's fool
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| well ........today |
[20 Mar 2003|12:14am] |
my momma got her surgery yesterday ...........shes in alot of pain but shes gonna be fine ..............thank god
but theresa war and I got out of english early..........i sure hope those iraqis know whats coming to them............but I hope that everyhting is gonna be ok ...........I'm kinda scared......i'm just glad my moms ok .........shes on morphine and its sad cuz it makes her depressed..........thank god shes ok...........sorry I know I sad that alot but yesterday my stomach was in such a knot I was soo worries all day.........thank you to everyone who asked if shes ok.........you are wonderful
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| sweet jesus ........may god bless guard rails |
[26 Jan 2003|12:22am] |
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If you ever contemplate your life for a very long time .I ain't tlkaing death I'm just tlkaing about thinking about your life..........well you should definately get in to a drunken car crash........you say over and over again for 24 hours ....I don't wanna die yet...............and then you'll snap out of it...........but don't do this at home...........we are professionals after all. who else would live a drunken car crash? only the ones whoa re drunken all the time. thank you thank you.........thats my 4th lifef I've used up..........cuz I have 9 lives you know............and I'm only 18...........I only have 5 more lifes to waste for the rest of my life............oh god .I'm gonna die but the age of 30. When I got home I chilled with ym dog for about 3 hours..........damn shes not a talker but shes awesome ...but howshe always wants to hold my hand.thats a little creepy......
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[20 Dec 2002|05:07pm] |
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NO DOOT ABOOT IT!
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| Knee high argyle tube |
[20 Dec 2002|05:07pm] |
Knee high
Argyle
tube
I was thinking about you when I jerked off in to my sock last night
i was thinking of you when I jerked off into my sock
yess indeed I was
Merry Christmas and happy kwanzaa to all the people out there who I was thinking of when I jerked off into my sock
last night
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| yeah this is good song |
[27 Nov 2002|10:52pm] |
Every day is so wonderful
And suddenly, it's hard to breathe
Now and then, I get insecure
From all the fame, I'm so ashamed
I am beautiful no matter what they say
Words can't bring me down
I am beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can't bring me down
So don't you bring me down today
To all your friends, you're delirious
So consumed in all your doom
Trying hard to fill the emptiness
The piece is gone and the puzzle undone
That's the way it is
You are beautiful no matter what they say
Words won't bring you down
You are beautiful in every single way
Yes, words won't bring you down
Don't you bring me down today...
No matter what we do
(no matter what we do)
No matter what they say
(no matter what they say)
When the sun is shining through
Then the clouds won't stay
And everywhere we go
(everywhere we go)
The sun won't always shine
(sun won't always shine)
But tomorrow will find a way
All the other times
We are beautiful no matter what they say
Yes, words won't bring us down
We are beautiful no matter what they say
Yes, words can't bring us down
Don't you bring me down today
Don't you bring me down today
Don't you bring me down today
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| god yeah I found this old cd with all these mp3w on it and I LOVE THIS SONG |
[21 Nov 2002|07:52pm] |
theres something crazy, something strange about
the way im lazy and how i go about
giving my time and how i reason.
do all my problems have to do with how i reason?
dont feel bad if you havent figured out.
cause im not mad theres really no need to shout.
theres really no way tou could have estimated
that you would ever in your life be so frustrated.
*if you knew what was good for you
youd lock me up and throw away the key.
you dont need me no you never will.
you never did as far as i can tell.
should i wake up and explain myself to you
or should i not care and sleep the whole day through.
finding the sence in everything.
its like going through my head to find a diamond ring.
living day by day is all that i can say.
something someone to believe in might be the other way.
we can not be sure until we open the door.
inherit choices, choices i cant take any more
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| god i love this song |
[10 Nov 2002|10:46pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 calm |
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"Gone"
I thought I'd write, I thought I'd let you know
In the year since you've been gone I've finally let you go
And I hope you find some time to drop a note
But if you won't
Then you won't
And I will consider you gone
I know that you went straight to someone else
While I worked through all this sh*t here by myself
And I think that you should spend some time alone
But if you won't
Then you won't
And I will consider you gone
I wake up in the night
All alone and it's alright
The chemicals are wearing off
Since you've gone
The days go on, the lights go off and on
And nothing really matters when you're gone
If you think that you feel nothing at all
If you don't (If you don't)
Then you don't (No, you won't)
If you won't
Then you won't
And I will
Then I will
Yeah, and I will consider you gone
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